they dont care
they'll only leave
i dont want them in my life
i wish kaleo would cease to exist.
i dont want anything to do with any of them.
but at the same time, i know i need them.
every time i think about them and the new youth leaders i get so angry and bitter
i want a youth leader like Jonny Mo
he actually gives a damn about his kids
and they probally dont even realize how fuckin lucky they are
i'd kill to be them
but i'll never have that person who actually cares
and the kids of lc will grow up knowing the same thing
i wont let that happen
i'll never get the leader i want
i will have to be that person for the others then
sure, i wont get what i want
but those kids will hopefully get what they need
God is calling me to this
i've never felt so convicted to something before
i will not let these kids down
but still,
why cant fucking kaleos just fucking stay at fucking camp and leave us alone
i dont want to get hurt again
it sucks
i cant control my bitterness towards them
even the ones i know who mean a lot to me
i now avoid them as much as possible
because they are leaving too.
they're just another goodbye.
fuck it.
goodbyes are hard. but you don't mean most of this.
ReplyDeleteas someone who grew up at Coquitlam Alliance, we've only had Jon for two years. the rest were not nearly as memorable or enviable. and though Jon, our youth pastor (not a leader), isn't leaving any time soon... all of the leaders who've had an impact on me or who i've connected with have left, far too soon.
it happens. people leave. it hurts, but it doesn't mean they don't care. they're just following God's call.
:( I love you. Just felt you should know that. Anyway I wanted to tell you that when you go back to youth group I will also be attending..no matter who the youth group leader is(with the exception of coral)and I will stay when the kaleo's come and I will get attached to them and watch them leave me and you. but I know god will be with me and you. and hey, that's what facebook is for..even though it's not the same..it will be good for you. anyways..love you and miss you!
ReplyDeletegrrr i hate it when your right. but like frig, im so sick of this. i know i shouldnt be so bitter but i cant help it. btw i was not talking about you when i said "kaleos" okay well yeah i guess i kinda am but know you care its just.. grr whatever, sorry.
ReplyDeleteand what's a youth pastor? i dont actually know...
Tara i love you too, so friggen much. but i really dont want to go through that again. and its not like any of the kaleos i know are going to go to youth group so it'll be easy to avoid them.
i miss you hella!!!