now what?

what else could i possibly lose?
everything is being taken away from me
i feel like i have absolutely nothing right now.
and as if i wasnt feeling terrible enough now my neighbor is dead and im never gunna see him again and im not there to support anyone and i havent seen him in what seems like forever cuzim here and i probally wont even be at his friggen funeral because i have to wash friggen dishes 8 hours a day at very least and on top of that im sick and the past is causing a bunch of issues for me and im faced with a lot of temptation and im homesick and everyones too busy to talk to me and now im wondering about the future and theres a bunch of stuff i havent dealt with and im worried about my friends and im getting really frusturated and my roomates annoy me and im exhausted and did i already say sick? cuz thats kind of a big one and i keep thinking about all this stuff and its too big and i cant handle it and I WANT TO GO HOME!

but on the bright side..
finally got some comfort today when i got really sick and had to lie down so i read the first 30 psalms. that was really good. and i have the best boyfriend ever. and.. well... its been over 30 days (i've lost count)

the worst feeling ever though (well one of them..) is when almost all the people i'd usually talk to are at camp with me but too busy to talk. whatever. camp is for the campers, idont count. im not a camper im not a staff im just a kid that doesnt belong here. a stupid cit who overstayed. i'll just have to suck it up and deal with it myself. 6 weeks. i can handle it. frig, what i wouldnt give for just 10 minutes with my kaleos