woah.

so i woke up this morning thinking about some stuff and then all in the sudden it hit me.. i made it. i lived to my 16th birthday, i was planning to be long dead by now but im not and im so glad. i lived to see the day i never thought would come. i almost didnt make it, but God wouldnt let that happen. ultimately he is in control of my life and im so glad he is cuz my life is always a disaster when i try to control it. its a weird thought though. sometimes i wonder what would have happened if i had died that night. thinking of all the things that would have never happened, all the lessons i would have never learned, all the accomplishments i would have never made, its kinda scary. but now its only a painful memory, thats not who i am anymore and i dont plan on ever messing around with death again until God decides my time is up. its another weird thought though, because now i have a future. in grade 8 i decided id be dead before reaching 16 but now i have so much time, so many years ahead of me, its like a whole new veiw, an entire life ahead of me, what am i going to do with it? only God knows.