- a friend of mine is pregnant. im very proud of her for the way she is handling it. she is going to keep it and she's not partying anymore and seeing the doctor and stuff and making sure everything is going okay. but i dunno, she is so young and her boyfriend is not very stable and tends to be a jerk sometimes, so many times i have seen her broken hearted because of him... i sure hope he gets his shit together enough to realize just how lucky he is to have such an amazing girl. he better support her and the baby. i wish i knew more about this stuff, i dont really know how to support her. she's moving in with her boyfriend at the end of the school year. right now she's just really upset about the people who are upset about it, particularly her dad.. please pray for her and her family, its a really confusing time for them. i guess all i can really do right now is listen to the problems, confusion, and the joy and excitement she has, she's thrilled. she figures things are finally looking up. and i love seeing her happy.
- so i went to the hospital today on a feild trip called 'p.a.r.t.y' (prevention for alchol and risk related trama in youth) it felt weird. i was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. and it triggered some flashbacks... i dont want to go back there. i feel okay with being alive right now, but what if something happens? will i be able to stop myself before i end up dead or back in the prison cell of a hospital? i dont know.. i dont think i can.. it seems as if in times like that, nothing else matters. but i dont want to hurt anyone. so i guess theres nothing much i can do except go to god and ask him to help me get over it completely. i realize a few people would care if something happened, and i dont want to hurt them. everyone would get over it.. but still.. theres one person i know of who wouldnt, and it kills me to think i could ever hurt her that much.
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