random thoughts

- i'm finally a level 5!!

- turning 16 in 21 days and cant wait to get my L

- one of the kids is getting "discharged" this weekend, meaning he's leaving ledger, for good. and he was the second oldest and sometimes helped calm things down, now its all up to me to be the "peace-maker"

- i feel like a little kid who watches in horror as 'santa claus' takes his beard off. i dont know what to do, this confuses me a lot. but i'll get over it i'm sure..

- i just want to give up on everything. but no matter how much a part of me says "just forget it and give up, go back to your old life" i will not do it. i cant do it. i am not the same person i used to be.

- i'm depressed.

- do i like him? he's been my friend for so long, could we really be more? or do i just like him because he likes me? why the heck does he like me? thats so weird. honestly, what is up with me and guys these days? if i start going out with him that'll be my 3rd fling since april. im not like that, why is this happening? i dont understand.

-mom is awesome

- i am so confused with life right now

- i havent gotten anything published since grade 8 and i havent written something in soooo long, i need to start writting again. i want to get another one published, but this time i'm going bigger, no more 'Polar Expressions' i'm thinking.... i'm gunna try to get published in the Clarmont Reveiw, then i'll know for sure that i'm a decent writter. pray for me, i'd feel accomplished for life if i could get something published in the Claremont Review, it would be such a dream come true.

- road tour soon! so stoked.


-if only Jonathan was here..