yeah, level 4 and a half

okay so quick update

same stuff with the constant drama only it seems to be growing.
i'm getting really sick of Bryan and Nick trying to kill each other.
my birthday is soon and i cant wait to get my L.
i'm working for womens retreat and junior retreat 95% sure.
road tour soon, so stoked.
finally allowed to go to church
really depressed today but God is good and i got over it.
no kaleos at my youth group, i think thats more depressing than ever, how the heck am i gunna survive when i get back if i have no other christians younger than 80 years old? i mean sure i was wanting to push them away at first but geez-i didnt mean it. this sucks, how could God let this happen? why would he make us go through it alone for a whole year, i cant do everything, i'm no superhero, im nothing. really nothing. i'm trying to support everyone but if its only Tara and I trying to support everyone while we need to also grow in ourselves how will the kids get the support they really need? what if we're not strong enough to do it on our own. we need some help, if only someone actually gave a damn about lc but of course no one did. and i thought of all people JimBad would know that we needed them more than ever this year, but instead we are getting no support at all. and i need support but now it feels like i'm gunna be needed in lc and wont be able to get out for support of my own. and the new kaleos..... i'll never know them.
life really sucks, sometimes i wonder if it would be better if i just didnt exsist, but i know that i shouldnt say that because God has given me great opourtunities and many blessings, i refuse to give up now.
i need help.