im okay. just a rough patch.

so i didnt really do anything too special for my birthday but this is pretty much how it went down..

my parents gave me an ipod, very cool.

i got like 80 bucks

and i dont really care too much about it because the thing that meant the most to me was the simple card that my brother gave me. it had a verse in it. for those that have heard about my brother, imagine my surprise when he gives me this sweet little card with a sweet verse in it. he doesnt understand why it means so much to me, but he pays attention enough to know that it does. how amazing is he?

another thing that meant the world to me... i got a bunch of my cit's wishing me happy birthday and reminding me that they havent forgotten me and still care about me a lot. i miss them so much. if only we could organize some sort of cit reunion soon because i am for sure in need of it.

also, i got to talk to a good friend of mine on the phone (for like 2 hours) and i realized, i am okay. i mean, im exhausted, but im okay. and i thought about all the times i used to go through times like this and id get so depressed and overwhelmed and therefore i would turn to things like cutting and getting stoned and shit and now... i dont. i am different now. i havent done any drugs in 4 months, i havent cut in a really really long time and i am actually doing okay. so i decided, i am going to make the best of my situation, and i actually have more ways of escape than i thought.

i also decided that i need to go to youth group in duncan. its hard because i feel like im betraying the kids stuck at the lc youth group but i need to help myself as well and the lc youth group is simply not going to help me. so i am going to search for a new youth group and church in duncan. i have it well planned out except for one thing- where would i go? i might try new life but it seems so.... big.... and the only other church in duncan that i know of is one that one of the kaleos goes to and i dont really know anything about it i just know the name and the fact that it exsists. so i dunno, i'll try new life and if that doesnt work i'll ask around and see whats best. its weird to think i could actually go to a good youth group.