another failure. fuck my life.

so.... this sucks ass.

did anyone realize how a few weeks ago i was getting better, stronger, and more hopeful? yeah.. i guess satan did too. and so i've failed 3 times now in my efforts to quit smoking weed. and i've been smoking cigarettes like everyday too so i constantly feel like shit for that too. and other things are coming into my head again. things i thought i dealt with. but i guess they'll never really be dealt with. 

i think its one of those things Jim says in that amazing book of his... tho i lack the exact quote. something about needing to go to God daily in prayer because if we dont we will really lack 'spiritual energy' and be an easy target for sin and doubts and all that other worldly crap. i havent been going to God as much as i should be. thats probally why i feel like fuckin trash.