okay so what started out to be not the smartest idea turned out to be good for me. we got in a debate about God, that was definately interesting. it was surprising, hearing him defend God so much and then watching him light up a joint, and then seeing a book on "introduction to the new testament" on his floor. i found it quite contradicting but somewhat encouraging. does this make sense to anyone else?
okay so heres one of my favourite parts of today..
he lit up a smoke and asked me if i wanted some. every part of me was dying to take it, but a small voice in the back of my head said "no, think about God.." i looked at him and said "no, thanks. i quit." he said "oh, good girl" and then told me how much he missed me. haha what a sweetheart.
so.... basically.... im still going strong. why? because God is just so friggen amazing that no matter how bad things get i can not walk away from him. its weird cuz it was killing me, until i said no, and then, i didnt have a problem with it.
i think people are noticing something different about me. i wonder what they see. i wonder if theres anyone who actually beleives that i have changed and im not going to go back to the way things were. i wonder if God is proud of me.
what right do i have to be weak in faith? what right do i have to question God like i was yesturday? considering all the things he's done for me, id say i was pretty stupid and selfish yesturday. it is worth all the suffering in the world if it means that one day, i will be standing before the king. one day, i might hold the hand that holds the world.
i think i need to learn not to rely on people as much. today, it wasnt people that gave me the strength to say no, it was clearly God. and clearly, it will always be God.
ohhhh p.s i didnt cut last night :)
p.p.s i'm actually getting stuff done in school, im almost finished a unit in family studies.
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