i feel like such a bitch for thinking of the new kaleo's as "the replacements" but i cant not think of them like that. its annoying. i like the new kaleos, im starting to become slightly attached to them and it scares me because i dont want to be attached to them. i want to feel absolutely nothing when they leave. and i dunno, i just want my kaleos back. i love my kaleos. i miss them so much. and having the new kaleos here only makes me miss them more.
but on the bright side, theres this one kaleo, he's so awesome and we have quite a bit in common and he's actually really easy to talk to. he's one of the few that i dont feel weird around at all. i got to ask him a question thats been bugging me for a while, he didnt really have an answer but it was cool to talk about it anyways.
it seems that i went to camp with some questions and left with a millon more. talking to someone about the world i realized, basically my whole life i've just been believing lies. i thought that now that things have changed i wouldnt believe lies anymore, but no.. i still do, just not like before. but now i realize, they are lies, so then... what is the truth, really?
honestly, i just need... something.... i dont even know anymore... i need.... for that stupid devil to stop attacking me already, geez. i mean, why doesnt satan realize when God has won a battle and just leave it at that. i wish i could punch satan in the face. but i cant, so, i'll just keep holding on as best as i can. im stronger now, i can handle it, i know God is big, therefore, my problems dont matter because my God can conquer anything. therefore, all i need to do is hold on to him.
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Grace, you've grown so much.
ReplyDeleteand you know, it's hard for us too, to get attached to eachother. two of the kaleos who were counselling this weekend said that they actually missed everyone so much - and they were in the same building! i am so scared for goodbyes, and the year's speeding by. but it's still worth it. "Our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way." (Twloha.com)
ps. whose the "one kaleo"?
really? thanks.
ReplyDeletei know its hard for you guys but i dunno, its so worth it for you. but for the kids in youth groups and stuff theres a new group every year and i dunno... its weird.