i hope i never go back. i wish i could just stay here.

i like ledger.

but today was really depressing.

first i found out that my self-esteem is actually way lower than normal- as in 93% of girls my age have higher self-esteem than i do. only 7% of girls my age are more insecure than i am. scary.

then i had a session with one of the phyc's and they suggested family therepy, and then when i was freaked out she asked me why and for the first time i actually told a professional how i really feel. and i wasnt afraid. it felt good to finally let it out. i've never even told anyone that much about my family. it was a real breakthrough, but it left me feeling pretty emotional. i'm slowly starting to get over my fear of professionals but there is still no way in hell that i'm going to counseling when i get back.

one of the boys is leaving tommorrow. its weird, when he leaves it will be exactly like it was when i first got here. just the 3 of us. then next week another one of us is leaving and then it will just be me and Bryan, and then our time will be up in no time. weird, its almost over, and have i even made the most of the time that i've had here? did i make a good impression on the guys? i sure hope so.

p.s sleeping pills are officially the best invention known to man! i feel so much better now.

and... i turn 16 in 16 days :)

and road tour is on saturday and i couldnt be more stoked.

grrrrrrr. but there is a millon things on my mind and its really confusing and stressful. and theres this one question thats really bugging me..... grrrr......... where are Sheri and Tyler when you need them. i miss c.i.t sooooooo much.