to go or not to go

at the moment i'm trying to decide on something and i don't really know what i'm gunna do. okay, so on the bright side, theres only 2 choices for this one.

a) i work kaleo grad and say goodbye to them

b) i dont go to kaleo grad and avoid the whole goodbye thing.

right now i'm leaning towards choice b but then i'm kinda wondering if i'll regret it later. the thing is im trying to just apprechiate the fact that i get the oppourtunity to know the kaleos every year. but on the other side: why the heck do i keep doing this to myself? i know what will happen when i get to know kaleos but yet i do it anyways and then i end up her, at the point of goodbye, and i dont regret it, but i dont want to do it again. i dont want to do this every year. but of course, im just going to have to shut up about this now because everyone will keep telling me how lucky i am so whats the point in saying anything about how painful it is for the youth kids and people who get to know the kaleos, i dont think the kaleos acknowledge the fact that it hurts us too but whatever i guess its kinda selfish of me to be thinking so much about how it affects me when they have to say goodbye to each other so they're sorta feeling like i am too only in a different way because.. well... all i can relate it to is saying goodbye to my c.i.t's, only worse.. so yeah, as of now, i wont even mention goodbye or their grad or anything. this will be my last post about it. and then i will watch them leave and although it will hurt, i will simply move on with my life, and then in a few more months, there will be a whole new group and i will have to decide if i'm going to get to know them or not. i'm leaning towards not.