why?

i have no life. but i guess thats better than the life i used to be stuck in but what if i slip into it again? im scared. and depression is kicking in again. i find myself thinking about a lot of stuff i shouldnt think about. last night i was thinking about this river that has 'death' written all over it and i wanted to jump in, knowing i would never survive and then i thought about it and then i was like "what the fuck? no way. im not going to kill myself. i shouldnt even be thinking about it" but i dunno, satan is attacking me but God is better so im going to keep trying. i mean, i cant forget the amazing gift he has given me. i love God, even though its hard. but i dunno, im definately in a rough patch. i ruined everything.

frig, i wish i could punch satan in the face.