you have no idea how much i long to hear this. and when i do, its only ever from Lauren or Matthew. never from my parents, or my brother, or myself, or a teacher, or anyone who i am feeling so desperate to hear it from. and god will probally never feel like that. and its sad, but i'd sooner hear that from all of them than i would ever tell myself "i'm proud of you. everytime someone does say that to me, i get so happy i feel like i could cry.
today is the day!!!!!!
you have no idea how desperate i've been this week to see my kaleos again. and today is the day!!! i get to see them at youth. i cant wait. and then even better.. i get to spend a night with them tommorrow, both me and Tara are going. i'm stoked. i missed them way too much. how am i gunna handle it when they graduate? and... why the hell do i miss them this much? what is it about them? they are so.. different...
omg talk about ultimate guilt. i owe an apology to everybody i'm doing c.i.t with this summer. i was smoking weed today and we were rolling a joint on the cover of the c.i.t. book. so while we were rolling it i had to be looking at "searching after god's own heart" well... ultimate guilt trip. i felt like i was letting everybody down. and now the guilt is just getting worse every time i see the book. why am i such a screw up?
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